Showing posts with label Grandma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Grandma. Show all posts
24 June 2016; the day you left.

From the moment I received the phone call at 4 p.m in my office till the day of your cremation, feelings were bottled up, countless urges to let loose of my emotion were suppressed. In denial of how much I couldn't bear for you to leave, I overwhelmed myself with whispering and whimpering of "She's rid of all pain & suffering", "She's in Heaven" that only I could hear. 

I remembered I've once documented my realisation here of how selfish I am to be fearful of the death of my love ones. I'm selfish because I am afraid of what's to become/left of me when a significant part of me is gone with their departure. 

This time round, I tried my best to be selfless, to think of the best of your departure for you instead of the worst of your departure for me. So I suppressed, so I showered myself with heavenly consoles instead of loud warm tears. 

The act that I put up was all good until I woke up from a nap after 'everything' was settled. Or was it? And will it? 

Staring at the boring blank space with hubs in the background asking what's for dinner, I got myself half dressed before sitting at the edge of the bed and continued with the aimless staring. Hubs got fed up because his presence was ignored, his repeated question of what do I want for dinner was left unanswered, so he yelled instead of asked. Then I broke down. Not because he got mad at me but because reality finally hit me hard.

I cried so hard my tears dried up yet the wallows couldn't stop. I was still selfish. I didn't want you to leave. Even though for years you couldn't remember me, I was happy and contented being able to see you, touch you, feed you, baby cradled you and speak to you in your own language. Now your departure rids me of all these, the precious minimal things that I could still do with the amnesic you. 

Grandma, you left not remembering who am I but I will always remember all my 25 years with you.
I've always love crossing the borders to Msia, especially when it's a visit to my grandma's house. This time round, I love it more because Redbull finally decided to tag along just to make me happier. After this trip, I grew greedier, secretly wishing he'd go with my family & I every time. But well, of course I'm not going to constantly pester him to go, it must be according to his own wishes that would make the trip meaningful.

Anyway, due to Qing Ming Jie, everyone was making their way to Msia so we were stuck in the traffic for more than an hour or so. But, the journey was more tolerable because of the companion and random conversations accompanied by loud roars of monstrous laughter. 

Yeap, booked a private car for the 6 of us.

Lying on his flabby arms while watching the never-ending line of vehicles.

'No honking' sign which was ignored blatantly right at the custom's authorities' faces; all the impatient motorcyclists summoned all their energy to honk with all their might until the authorities opened another lane for them to pass through. 
Talk about teamwork. 

This faceless lone ranger.

Night time must-do activity is to visit the pasar malam for all the goodies. We ate non-stop the moment we embarked on the trail of food. Practically non-stop. We kept our eyes affixed to the two rows of stalls, hurling 'STOP' to the rest of us whenever any one of us saw something we wanted to eat.
 Beancurd, cheese fries, ice-kachang, peanut mochi, fried chicken, fish cake drenched with sweet chili, taiwan chicken bun, fried sweet potato balls, carrot-cake, cheese tofu tarts...

The amount of calories gained that night.

This is the first time we saw this stall, must be new bird. RM7 for a generous portion. 

Right after dinner was a search for Redbull's crabs. Spent close to 40 mins searching for his crabs, we all grew restless & tired. But at the very least, the crabs we found were satisfactory, ELSE...

Too little time to eat & shop. It'd be better if we've stayed till Sunday night instead of heading back to SG right after sao mu the next morning. Well, at least we had a sumptuous breakfast consisting of nice dim sum & dried kousong mee before letting the heat consumed us during sao mu. 

When you grow genuinely together as one, you find yourself compromising (we said to accompany each other for sao mu on every alternate year. Soon, it'll have to be arranging visiting during CNY), changing, setting goals together with another half. I always say I'm bless and don't ever doubt me when I say so. I may say "I'm tired of this" or somewhere along those lines when we get into a huge argument. But saying that doesn't mean I retract all my feelings towards how I've always feel, I'm just directing "I'm tired" towards that moment during the argument. 

Anyway, here's my gross looking heels after the foot mask. The process may be displeasing to the eyes, but the outcome is what's worth it. 

Wishing time could fast forward to Saturday where Redbull will be spending quality time with my family & I over at JB. He has missed out on so many past visits to my grandma's and he's finally going with us this time round. The feeling of felicity has stuck with me since the moment he said he's going to JB with me. 
When I can spend the entire day & night just letting the clock ticks by while doing all the simplest things, I feel my over thinking mind submitting to my relaxed soul, just letting it do its' thing. 

If I had to name the most annoying thing which has happened to me on Thursday, it was probably being woke up half an hour before my stipulated alarm. That was the sole annoyance in my entire day aside from the uncouthly drunk drama at night. Sometimes, I'm relieved at the fact that my grandma is senile because in this way, she's ignorant of the heart-wrenching scenes which she would have witnessed. I mean, which parent can bear looking at their own children exchanging abuses & hurtful comments like family doesn't even matter?

A hearty dim sum breakfast followed by a chasing game with the doggie. Prawns were the main highlight during this dim sum meal. Big, fat, succulent prawns that contain so much juice. Underneath every thin translucent skin & deep fried pastry lay the model prawns. Ah, prawnilicious~



The amount of soup contained in the xlbs is justifiable by a quick glance at this picture.
 I mean,
just
look 
at 
the
soup
!!! 
More than 3/4 of the xlb is filled with soup! Beat dtf's and paradise dynasty's hands down, legs down, tongues down! 

I don't usually like baos because of the bread but these char siew baos are undeniably fluffy. 

Enough of the plate-licking-good dim sum. Main purpose of every visit is to spend time with my grandma. Even talking to her and getting gibberish replies is memory worthy as I get to play back the crisp sound of her delicate voice at the back of my head. She's fragile like a fine china, needing me to support her every step taken, but that's all I've to do to keep her close to me, with her skin against mine. No rejection, no retaliation, it's like she knows me, like she still remembers me somehow.

Rid of pain, God, that's all I ask of you to bless her with. 

Contributors

Live by this

Live by this

About me

Facebook

Gallery

Translate