♒Åℚ∪Åℜ│⊔S ♒

Fumbling through my own sequel of thoughts at work, I discovered upon an important note-to-self. Why have I always been so fearful of the death of my love ones? So fearful and aching within. 

Genuinely, I thought it's attributed to my selflessness for them, fearing of the unknown that may happen to them/their souls. Unconsciously, we prefer to think the better of our self, that we may be greater than just being occupied with our own well being. But no, my discovery proved me terribly wrong. 

I'm contrary to selfless - I don't fear for what may happen to my love ones when they're gone, I fear for myself. Of what may be left of me, of how am I supposed to move on happily with a significant part of me gone along with their souls. How can I deal with a different me then? 

It still boils down to 'I', 'me'. This outrageously selfish side of me I've came to realize today. To think I actually believed I was selfless.