For
the past month or so, my work weeks have been made to believe they passed by
quicker than usual when I have the lunch date with Janice to look forward to. Sane
moment like this make my working week less insane.
Today,
we concluded our lunch date with “At this age, it’s almost impossible to have
another friendship like this anymore.”
It’s
true. After our adolescent years (right up till the sweet 18yo), we have yet to
be able to find/create/chance upon any one who was able to sing the same melody
of friendship with us. For sure there are people whom we can easily click with,
but not this family kind of friendship, not the friendship we will go the extra
mile to fight to keep, not the friendship whereby we are sick of repeating the
same old harsh advices yet can’t bear to leave them in the lurch.
Now
I’m in the train back to the arms of hubs, sandwiched amongst these strangers
who have, like me, fought a week’s long of battle at work, and starting to
think of the reason to the above conclusion.
I
think I’ve managed to figure out, at least it seems figured out in my own sense.
Newly
established friendships may or may not withstand the test of time, but it will
not be as beautifully wounded and sturdy as the ‘antique’ friendships. Friendships
that are formed at this age (and forward) have (and will) never went through the
same piles of shit that they would have when all of us were still young, insane,
raw, and immature. Antique friendships have seen the worst of all yet still
loving these scarred souls all the same. They have seen how jaded everyone once
was with life or with everything and amidst this brokenness, some had attempted
to heal the jaded ones while some simply indulged in the overwhelming flow of
negativity together in hope of getting through it with one another. Just like family, those in these antique
friendships feel like we enjoy some sort of immunity from hurling mean/hurtful words
whenever the feel arises because we know we will somehow be magnanimously
forgiven.
So now that we are all past that age of making regrettable, stupid decisions even more unpredictable than the weather, decisions that we most probably will never make now or later. Time has made us wiser, stronger, tougher for sure. People whom we then meet, they will find themselves meeting an 'improved', 'improvised' (or however you call it) us. They don't have to worry about that they have to deal with an insane, immature, stubborn like hell, princessy us. How then will I know the ability of them to stand the extremely imperfect soul of mine that was once part of my past? If so, how then do I know how transparent should I present myself to them?
Because trust and love take time to be nurtured and having already owned an antique friendship or better still friendships, there's no reason strong enough for us to propel ourselves forward to the thought of nurturing another new friendship that can be comparable to this antique. Why do we want to have a taste of how this new r/s will turn out to be? Never thought I'd say this, but we are too old (and lazy) to allow ourselves to go through the taxing ordeal and to be exposed to the risk of being let down. Especially when time has allowed us to see, time and again, how genuine hearts get broken by betrayals and "you're expecting too much" (yet in antique friendships, this level of expectation has been the norm).
