Showing posts with label girlfriend. Show all posts
Showing posts with label girlfriend. Show all posts
This isn’t even the first time. But this is the first time I’m feeling the intensity of every letter you typed, the weight of every word you typed. My heart burns with anger. I know everyone’s definition of love varies. But there are some aspects that even a dumbass knows. Love definitely isn’t supposed to be putting someone down. It isn’t supposed to come with abandonment. Love should still make you feel whole, even at times of quarrels and arguments. It shouldn’t empty your insides out. Yet, he’s doing all of that. So tell me, is this even love? 

Worse of all, you’re swallowing all your unhappiness when he should be the godamn one who needs to learn to swallow all his disgusting chauvinistic pride, ego and screwed up mindset. 

I’ve always been finding for a reason to like him as a person, but every time I try, he shows me why I failed in doing so. 

I wish so much for you to be genuinely happy with a man who can protect and love you just like how you deserve it. But shit, why can’t he be that man for you?
For the past month or so, my work weeks have been made to believe they passed by quicker than usual when I have the lunch date with Janice to look forward to. Sane moment like this make my working week less insane. 

Today, we concluded our lunch date with “At this age, it’s almost impossible to have another friendship like this anymore.”

It’s true. After our adolescent years (right up till the sweet 18yo), we have yet to be able to find/create/chance upon any one who was able to sing the same melody of friendship with us. For sure there are people whom we can easily click with, but not this family kind of friendship, not the friendship we will go the extra mile to fight to keep, not the friendship whereby we are sick of repeating the same old harsh advices yet can’t bear to leave them in the lurch. 

Now I’m in the train back to the arms of hubs, sandwiched amongst these strangers who have, like me, fought a week’s long of battle at work, and starting to think of the reason to the above conclusion.
I think I’ve managed to figure out, at least it seems figured out in my own sense. 

Newly established friendships may or may not withstand the test of time, but it will not be as beautifully wounded and sturdy as the ‘antique’ friendships. Friendships that are formed at this age (and forward) have (and will) never went through the same piles of shit that they would have when all of us were still young, insane, raw, and immature. Antique friendships have seen the worst of all yet still loving these scarred souls all the same. They have seen how jaded everyone once was with life or with everything and amidst this brokenness, some had attempted to heal the jaded ones while some simply indulged in the overwhelming flow of negativity together in hope of getting through it with one another.  Just like family, those in these antique friendships feel like we enjoy some sort of immunity from hurling mean/hurtful words whenever the feel arises because we know we will somehow be magnanimously forgiven.

So now that we are all past that age of making regrettable, stupid decisions even more unpredictable than the weather, decisions that we most probably will never make now or later. Time has made us wiser, stronger, tougher for sure. People whom we then meet, they will find themselves meeting an 'improved', 'improvised' (or however you call it) us. They don't have to worry about that they have to deal with an insane, immature, stubborn like hell, princessy us. How then will I know the ability of them to stand the extremely imperfect soul of mine that was once part of my past? If so, how then do I know how transparent should I present myself to them? 

Because trust and love take time to be nurtured and having already owned an antique friendship or better still friendships, there's no reason strong enough for us to propel ourselves forward to the thought of nurturing another new friendship that can be comparable to this antique. Why do we want to have a taste of how this new r/s will turn out to be? Never thought I'd say this, but we are too old (and lazy) to allow ourselves to go through the taxing ordeal and to be exposed to the risk of being let down. Especially when time has allowed us to see, time and again, how genuine hearts get broken by betrayals and "you're expecting too much" (yet in antique friendships, this level of expectation has been the norm). 
In a relationship, I condone silence being the solution, at least not a permanent one. Why do you choose to sweep everything under the carpet when you clearly know there's only so much that the carpet can contain? What good does keeping mum just to avoid an argument brings? Unhappiness, anger, soreness are all pent up, let alone not solving the core of the problem. Is this how a healthy relationship blossoms? I don't think so. And I know you are on the same page as me.

The immense feelings I have are insignificant compared to yours, because I'm not the victim of those sufferings. Hearing that shivering voice, seeing those droplets of tears, I feel my insides caving in. I know you aren't beaming with happiness for sure, but hearing how unhappy you are, it makes me rage. 

A victim needs to voice out. No more prolonging, because all it does is prolonging your suffering and soon enough, there will be another innocent and young party suffering. If not for yourself, then for him. 
I've believed in reincarnation since my teenage years. More vividly, since I laid my hands on a book about reincarnation my gf lent to me during my secondary school days. 

And if you haven't heard of The Case of Parmod Sharma, one of the most well known true examples about a 5 year old boy remembering detailed events of an Indian man's life (his past life), google the story and read it then try to convince me otherwise about my belief in reincarnation.
Chocolate fondue at Jan's house last night. Patiently waiting for the small flame to melt the cadbury nuts chocolate while we kept our eyes glued to a taiwan variety show. 
If chocolate isn't fattening, bet we'd have chocolate fondue every other night. 



When can time freeze? 
You're hot then you're cold. Any idea how tough it is to keep up with this temperamental you, especially when it's totally out of my expectation? Well, undeniably, I've grown to accept this candid you wholly over all these years just like how you've accepted me. You're still one precious gf of mine.
I've never been a fan of crowd, thus hitting town on a weekend has never been on my favorite-to-do-list. You can say I live in isolation but I'd like to believe that I prefer the beauty of silence. Yesterday was an exception that was made once in a deep blue moon; I made a trip downtown with gf WY.

We were approached by a Japanese fashion photographer at *Scape. Perhaps those of you who frequent that area are familiar with his face & camera kit.

Hilarious how my spontaneous inner-self stepped in to accept the fashion snap when all I'm brilliant at when I'm infront of a camera is to make weird facial expressions. Posing? Absolutely not my forte. Being completely upfront with him, I told him, "I am very bad at this so you will have to guide me." He did nothing much on his guidance part, except for asking me to place one of my feet infront of the other & slinged my bag to the front. But, even for that, I felt less awkward standing there. I reckoned my face looked kinda stern through his lens hence he told me to smile. Well, my face wasn't cut out to be a vogue model, at all.

But, I'm proud of myself for being outwardly assertive. Never stop having fun, even when we're old & frail.

Last Friday, Janice & I went for a "secret mission". Thereafter, we had our dinner settled at Popeyes before heading to twelve cupcakes in all high hopes of trying the flavor of the day, which was 'Baileys Chocolate'.

"Baileys chocolate is sold out."

Ahhhhh, those 5 words I didn't wanna hear. Well, I settled for the second best, which was whatever remaining flavors displayed through the glass. Cupcakes are best eaten fresh, it sure wouldn't taste as good if you kept them in the fridge.

Got to Redbull's house, took a hour power nap before driving out for our midnight movie - Beautiful Creatures. It is the Best movie of 2013 (thus far) for me!

 After watching this movie, I realized perhaps there's another side of me who has a thing for geeky & honest romantic who has a contagious & funny laughter, just like the male lead.


Pictures gotten from Google

Rent a booth with siz to sell off our loots. My kind gf, Janice came along and stay throughout to help/accompany us yesterday. The journey to *scape was easy breazy all thanks to Redbull's help except for the minor car accident which wouldn't have happened if he didn't give us a lift. Hope everything's going to be fine. Anyway, our worries of the weather (we had an unsheltered booth) were eased when the rain only came to visit for a little while. Weather wasn't too hot, just humid. Sales were pretty satisfying. Heroine came by 2hours before the flea ended and we went back by, train, not cab! So amazed at our determination in not wasting the profit we've made.

|| Cheers to the weather, my loved ones & a successful day ||

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