Childhood
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You know that's indeed the happiest moment when you feel that happiest is an understatement. Exactly my sentiment on Sunday when I made a memorable trip to my grandma's old house with my siz, Heroine & Janice. Then I was the happiest me, with no worries, no burdens, no complexities.
A memorable trip to the place filled with my childhood memories. Every single lane that leads to every single familar path. With every step I took, images of my childhood came flooding my mind like a TV show on repeat, except mine wasn't appearing visually, it was mental recollections. Mental recollections, that's all I have left of the past.
The lady boss of my favorite mama shop, the uncle who delivers gas to households, the granny who is still selling roasted meat & the next door indian neighbour. All these faces, they remained. It's like nothing has changed yet everything isn't the same anymore.
What seizes my heart was the fact that they still remember us just like we do. I'm searching frantically for words to describe the emotions swirling within me at that moment when they expressed their recollections of us, of my grandma. They still remember my grandma who is unable to do the same due to her senile condition.
Right now, I still tear at the thought of this trip because aside from vividly reminding me of my happiest phase, it reminds me of how my grandma is compelled under the circumstances of life, to forget about all these memories we've had together.
I long to relive my childhood not for the sake of my own happiness, but to bask in the idea of having a grandma who remembers me by my name, who scolds me when I sneakily plucked the leaves of her plants to burn, who brings me along for her morning walks, who buys me breakfast after her walks even if I've made her angry the previous day.
For once, I yearn for time to rewind not to change the outcome of my decisions or to simply feel happy but just to have a grandma who is healthy & calls my name, loud & clear.
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