To my only Princess
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Ever since you haven't been feeling well, the first thing I'd do when I woke up is to check on you, to check if you were still breathing. Then one day, you stopped. I touched you gently afraid of waking you up, there was no reaction. I felt for the breathing movements but to no traces of them. I looked at your wide opened eyes and slowly reached to touch them, no reaction. I was afraid to pick you up, afraid that you were in fact just in a deep sleep & I'd wake you up. In denial. That's what I'm still going through now. I spent the entire 12May14 having you by my side, secretly wishing miracle would work on you & that you'd wake up all of a sudden. But you didn't, and my heart left with you too.
If there's to be any day when I speak of you any less, it doesn't mean I'm thinking less of you because I'll never do, it just means I'm scrambling for better ways to deal with your loss. And I'm failing miserably, for now.
That empty space where your house used to be has left the same vacant space in my heart. Tears well up in my eyes every single day when I find it difficult to suppress & hide those feelings. I lost count of the times I did this.
Every corner of the house, every object, remind me of you, of us. The fridge where your fav long beans is. The basin where I bathed you. The specific corners you love to lie at when you were out for a walk. Your shampoo in the basket. The sofa and my bed where you spent your last moments on. Your towel which I still fetch for it to draw in a long breath, taking in my fav scent. The sound of mopping of floors which scares you. The sound of thunders which reminds me of how I used to check on you to see if you were intimidated but you were always just chilling in your house.
Even if there's no smell or sound or sight to remind me of you, this one thing will always bring my thoughts back to you: my heartache.
Then there's your ashes kept in a white princessy urn. Yes, your ashes. Despite seeing it every day, I still wish for you to be back to me. I hope you do one day. Come back to me in any form, just let me know you're happy & healthy.
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